My partner is depressed and I don’t know what to do. I feel so helpless and I don’t know how to make him feel better. I don’t know what to say to make him feel better or what to do to help him. I just want him to feel better and I don’t know how to make that happen.
What is it really like to be with a depressed partner? How can you help and is the help sometimes no longer effective?
Depression is a serious illness that affects everyone differently in terms of severity and duration, but can be treated well with professional help. This disease presents the sufferer with a great challenge and requires a lot of strength. For relatives, too, it means conversion and adjustment in everyday life, especially for partners. Approximately every eighth man and every fourth woman is affected by depression in the course of their lives. It is striking that women are two to three times more likely to suffer from depression. In Germany alone, 5.3 million adults suffer from the mental illness.
For a better understanding, the foundation shows the criteria of a depression. A distinction is made between main and additional symptoms. Main symptoms are: loss of interest and pleasure, depressed mood or decreased drive. Additional symptoms include: decreased concentration and attention, suicidal thoughts, trouble sleeping, feelings of guilt and worthlessness, decreased appetite, negative and pessimistic views about the future, decreased self-esteem and self-confidence. If at least two main symptoms and two additional symptoms occur that last for more than two weeks, this can be an indication of a depressive illness. At first glance, the symptoms are not visible. In addition, many of those affected do not have the courage to make their illness public or to get help. This can have serious consequences, as a 2015 study shows. More people died from suicide that year than from drugs, traffic accidents and HIV combined.
If your partner is depressed, the first impulse is to help
Contents
If your partner is depressed, the first impulse is to help. But, before jumping in and trying to help them, it is important to understand what is going on. If your partner is experiencing a low mood, it is important to allow them time to work through it on their own. This can take a while, and may require some patience and support. If your partner is not comfortable talking about their depression, it may be helpful to encourage them to see a therapist. While your partner is getting help, you can provide support and assistance as needed.
When this disease appears in our environment from a loved one, it is usually a shock at first. We often don’t know anything about his illness beforehand. The most common reaction from loved ones is the urge to help. “I’ll help you!”, was also my first thought when my boyfriend at the time told me one evening after two years of relationship that he was feeling worse again. He was referring to his depressive illness at the age of 16, which he had successfully fought. I was aware of his illness at the time, which is why my shock at his “confession” was limited. Since we had often talked about his illness at the time and I knew that he had overcome it, I was full of hope to be able to do it again. I was in a positive mood and immediately conveyed to him to offer any help possible.
My friend also took care of an appointment with a psychiatrist, which he would then go to regularly. He was visibly motivated to defeat this disease again. From then on he attended a therapy session once a week. At that point, the thoughts, “What does this disease mean to me?”, “Can I handle it?” would not have occurred to me. Although I clearly noticed that our everyday life was changing, I did not question what the illness would mean for me.
We spent a lot of time talking, mostly about his thoughts and feelings. I tried my best to be the strong person for him to catch him and take care of him at all times. My worries and problems receded into the background. He was not receptive to take on my concerns. I kept telling myself that he just couldn’t do this “achievement” at the moment. This became very clear when my grandma died and he didn’t show any sympathy other than a short “I’m sorry.” All of this caused my stress level to rise permanently, but I wanted to be strong for both of us and make everyday life as pleasant as possible for him shape. Even if that meant often overturning all plans or dropping them completely because he was having one of those very bad days again and I dropped everything to be there for him.
Do partners of people with depression need help themselves?
Depression can be a debilitating and life-threatening illness. For people who are partners of people with depression, their support is crucial to their health and well-being. In fact, some research suggests that partners of people with depression may be at a higher risk for developing the illness themselves.
Partners of people with depression need to be aware of their own symptoms and take care of themselves. They should also encourage their loved ones with depression to seek treatment. Together, partners and loved ones can create a support system that helps to prevent and/or manage depression.
One day, when I was picking up my friend from his session, the psychiatrist took me aside and offered to visit him for an hour as well. I first thought of a joint session with my friend, but he said no. The session should only be with me. I declined with a shy smile. Why should I go to a psychiatrist? I wasn’t the one struggling with depression. My friend also thought that this was overkill. Although I found it so illogical, the short conversation kept me thinking. However, without result.
It took me quite a while to realize that my boyfriend’s depression had a far more impact on me and my everyday life than I wanted to believe. I accepted everything because I knew that he was in a bad way and that he wasn’t able to carry on as usual. The high burden of dealing with his problems, but also having to deal with my own on the side, increasingly overwhelmed me. The pressure of having to function for both of us steadily increased. I felt like a battery that gives its full charge to the others but has no power left for itself.
Also read: : You should know these signs and warning signs
Everything revolved around the depression
Everything revolved around the depression. Families were torn apart and people lost their jobs and homes. The economy was in shambles and no one knew what was going to happen next. People were scared and there was no way out. It was a time of darkness and despair.
At that point, it didn’t seriously occur to me to confide in others. I was afraid they wouldn’t understand or tell me to break up. At the same time, I knew that separation was not an option because I was his constant support. The only person around him who knew about his condition. Advice like: “You don’t have to be uncomfortable with the illness.”, “It’s not bad at all to get help”, I didn’t take for myself, although I said exactly these sentences to my friend so often. I tried to figure everything out on my own because I was the healthy one of us. Besides, it was only a matter of time before everything would be back to normal and the disease would be gone, I hopefully told myself.
I suppressed the fact that my friend was skipping his sessions more and more often and no longer trying out the exercises assigned to him from the sessions. Or rather, I didn’t notice it because I worried about him 24/7 and at the same time tried to do all the to-do’s in our life. Had my will to overcome the disease become stronger than his? At least he hardly showed any initiative. He spent a lot of time at home, no longer involved in the household or my life at all. He talked for hours without aiming for a result. As much as I wanted to be there for him, I realized how badly I felt.
I realized that I wanted to help but was not doing anything that really helped. My efforts to relieve him of everyday stress, to show a lot of compassion and understanding, had no effect. His condition was deteriorating and I was constantly worried about him. It became clear that will alone is not enough. I was hopelessly overwhelmed and unhappy. It was clear that I couldn’t go all the way for both of us alone. If I only live for him, he won’t get any better. He must take the disease seriously.
It may sound selfish, but I think it’s important to remember when it’s time to take care of yourself. When I moved out, I felt like the biggest selfish person on earth. In retrospect, I know that it was the emergency brake for me.
I want to encourage others with my story. Depression and the difficult times it brings can be overcome together. Finding out a lot about the disease helps a lot to understand those affected better. His behavior can be better understood. But not all diseases are the same. It’s equally important to set clear boundaries with hurtful behavior and not forget yourself.
Helpful tips for dealing with a depressed partner
- Find out about depression
Books, podcasts, and other sources of information are good sources of information about depression. In addition, being involved in the course of treatment with the psychotherapist can convey realistic expectations and create clarity.
- You are not responsible for the depression
Although a lot of outside help is offered, it doesn’t have to be effective. Feelings of powerlessness and helplessness can arise.
- Stay true to yourself, stay your own person
It is not in your power and it is not your job to invoke a healing. A clear demarcation from therapeutic work helps to create space for beautiful experiences.
- Concrete support of the partner
Nonjudgmental listening and showing compassion can connect and empower. Organizing external help and providing positive impetus can also help. Set boundaries because no one requires you to listen and be nonjudgmental at all times.
- Recognizing your own limits when dealing with your partner and maintaining your energy sources
There’s no shame in letting your partner know when you’ve reached your limits and can’t go any further. If your partner exhibits hurtful or unacceptable behavior as a result of the illness, set clear boundaries.
”Does depression make you end relationships?”
This is because depression can also cause difficulty in relationships, so sometimes, the two problems are interrelated. However, in cases where a relationship is healthy, treating the depression may improve someone’s relationship with their partner as well as their own quality of life.
There is no one answer to this question as everyone experiences depression differently. However, it is generally agreed that depression can make it difficult for people to maintain healthy relationships. This is because depression can make people feel isolated, helpless, and frustrated. In addition, people with depression may be more likely to ruminate about the problems in their relationships and to take them very personally. As a result, they may become more discouraged and withdraw from the relationship, even if it is not working well. It is important to remember that not all people with depression are doomed to end their relationships. It is important to seek the help of a therapist or counselor if relationships are a major concern for you. There is hope and there is help, and you can get it.
How do I help my partner with sadness?
Encourage your partner to seek professional help. Work as a team. Practice self-care. Don’t take it personally. Educate yourself.
Sadness can be a very difficult emotion to manage for anyone, but it can be especially challenging for a partner who is close to the person who is feeling sad. One way to help a partner with sadness is to be understanding and supportive. It can be helpful to listen attentively and to provide a warm, supportive presence. It can also be helpful to offer words of encouragement and to provide a shoulder to cry on. Ultimately, it is important for a partner to take care of themselves, so they can be the best support possible for their partner during difficult times.
What do you do when your boyfriend is struggling mentally?
Don’t ignore it. Start the conversation sensitively. No toxic positivity allowed. Resist the urge to give (unsolicited) advice. Don’t give ultimatums or threaten to leave. Get clear on how they’d like to be supported. Validate them. Foster empathy.
When someone you love is struggling mentally, it can be incredibly difficult to know what to do or say. You may feel like you’re stuck in a limbo where you can’t do anything to help, and you may feel as though you’re the only one who’s feeling this way. However, there are a few things you can do to help support your boyfriend and help him get the help he needs.
First, it’s important to understand that not every mental health issue is a sign of a larger problem. If your boyfriend is experiencing mild depression, for example, it’s not necessarily indicative of a larger problem. If he’s been struggling for a while, however, it may be worth considering seeking help from a professional.
Second, it’s important to be supportive and understanding. If your boyfriend is telling you about his struggles, be supportive and listen without judgement. If he needs to talk, be there for him, and offer to listen any time he needs to.
Lastly, be patient. It can take a while for your boyfriend to get the help he needs, and it may take some time for him to feel better. Be patient and don’t expect him to be ‘normal’ right away. In the meantime, be there for him and offer support in any way you can.
How does depression manifest in a relationship?
In other words, being depressed can cause you to pay less attention to your partner, be less involved, be more irritable or have trouble enjoying time together–all of which can cause your relationship to falter.
Depression can manifest in a relationship in a number of ways. One way is that the depressed person may withdraw from the relationship, becoming less communicative and engaging in less activity. Alternatively, the depressed person may become hypersensitive to any criticism or criticism may feel unbearable. These individuals may become defensive and lash out at their partner. In extreme cases, the depressed person may even become violent. All of these behaviors can damage the relationship. If you are experiencing any of these signs in your relationship, it is important to seek help. There are many resources available to help couples struggling with depression, including therapy, medication, and support groups. If you are in a relationship with a person who is experiencing depression, it is important to be patient and understanding. If you are feeling overwhelmed or struggling to cope, it is important to reach out for help.
Can depression lead to cheating?
People suffering from depression may behave in ways that others might not understand. They may take a passive stance towards life and not want to get out of bed or lose interest in activities they once enjoyed. They may even engage in self-destructive behaviors like cheating on a spouse or significant other.
Cheating can be a sign of depression. Individuals who are feeling down or hopeless may be more likely to cheat on their partner out of desperation. Depression can also lead to low self-esteem, which can make someone feel insecure in their relationship and more likely to cheat. It’s important to be aware of the warning signs of cheating, and if you or someone you know is experiencing signs of depression, it’s important to get help.