When I decided to try couples therapy, I knew that I needed to find a therapist who was emotionally-focused. I had read that this type of therapist was more successful in saving a relationship. I was nervous about whether or not this would be the right decision for me, but after our first session, I knew that I had made the right choice.
Couples therapy is a difficult process, but it is also very rewarding. I have learned so much about myself and my partner. We have had to work hard to rebuild our relationship, but I believe that we are finally on the path to recovering from the damage that our past relationship has caused. I would recommend couples therapy to any couple who is struggling to save their relationship.
No more finger pointing: How to save the relationship? Couples therapist Julia Weidenbach explains emotion-focused couples therapy (EFT).
Saving a relationship: With emotion-focused couples therapy
When people love each other, they want to protect their relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes problems can arise that can threaten the stability of the relationship. If you are feeling like your relationship is in danger of ending, it is important to seek help. There are many options available for couples therapy, and emotion-focused couples therapy is one of the most effective.
Couples therapy can help you and your partner work on resolving any problems that are causing the relationship to falter. Together, you can learn how to deal with difficult emotions and stay connected. The therapist will help you to identify and Address any issues that are causing the tension in your relationship.
If you are feeling like your relationship is in danger of ending, reach out for help. There are many options available, and emotion-focused couples therapy is one of the most effective.
The first session: Marc found it hard to come along to couples therapy. But they urgently need to do something, is his opinion too. Ever since the baby was born, he has had the impression that nothing can please his girlfriend. At some point her accusations become too much for him, and he withdraws, preferably on his racing bike. Anna is outraged by this description: She just wants a little support and has the feeling that Marc can no longer be reached with her requests – only the racing bike is important to him.
– get out of the crisis
: He doesn’t want a relationship
That’s how you live one
It quickly becomes clear that the reason for the conflict is actually irrelevant. Sometimes it’s about who does more around the house or who has a better plan for baby care, or they can’t agree on a Netflix series. In couples therapy, they can make an effort to discuss these issues constructively and to find compromises – but there is a very high probability that they will present a new topic in the next session and it will start all over again.
Quarrel threatens the relationship
Quarrel threatens the relationship when one person starts to argue with their partner without reason. This behavior destroys the trust that is essential to a healthy relationship and can lead to feelings of anger, sadness, and loneliness. If the argument becomes too frequent or intense, it may be time to seek help from a therapist or counselor in order to mend the rift and restore the balance of trust.
Marc and Anna know very well how to communicate well with each other, they prove it often enough at work. Why, no matter how hard they try, do they feel like they can no longer bridge the gap between them? The relationship no longer gives either of them security, on the contrary: they even feel threatened by the constant quarrels. Instead of closeness and security, they give each other signals of protest and alarm – basically no different than your baby when it feels alone. They subconsciously react to the fear of losing love, which is of existential importance. This is how the Canadian couples therapist Sue Johnson describes crises like that of Anna and Marc. In her book, Hold Me Tight, she encourages couples to recognize that they depend on each other in the same way that a child depends on a caregiver for comfort and protection. In lectures and training courses, Sue Johnson explains to couple therapists that rational analyzes and communication techniques do not get you anywhere with couples like Marc and Anna.
Emotion-focused couples therapy (EFT) as a way
Couples therapy that focuses on emotions can be very beneficial for couples. When emotions are addressed and understood, couples can work on resolving conflicts and building stronger relationships. Couples therapy that focuses on emotions can help couples resolve conflicts, build stronger relationships, and improve their overall communication.
One of the main benefits of EFT as a couples therapy is that it can help couples resolve conflicts. When emotions are addressed and understood, couples can work on resolving conflicts and building stronger relationships. By recognizing and addressing the emotions that are driving the conflict, couples can often reach a resolution that is more satisfactory for both of them.
Another benefit of EFT as a couples therapy is that it can help couples build stronger relationships. When emotions are acknowledged and understood, couples can work on building positive relationships. By recognizing and addressing the emotions that are driving the conflict, couples can often work on repairing the damage that has been done.
Overall, EFT as a couples therapy can be very beneficial for couples. When emotions are addressed and understood, couples can work on resolving conflicts and building stronger relationships.
Sue Johnson’s concept of emotion-focused couple therapy (EFT for short) is considered to be particularly successful. It is based on the well-researched attachment theory. Among other things, it describes different forms of bonding between babies and their caregivers and assumes that a secure bond is important for our emotional development. According to EFT, even adult love relationships are always about bonding. We need closeness and security and, even as adults, we look for a safe haven where we can retreat when the world outside seems unknown, unwelcoming or dangerous.
Emotional dependency in relationships
In relationships, emotional dependency is often seen as a sign of a healthy relationship. Dependency provides an emotional safety net for the partner, allowing them to feel secure and reassured in the relationship. When dependency is healthy, both partners feel able to rely on each other and feel like they can communicate their needs. However, when dependency is unhealthy, it can lead to a lack of trust and communication in the relationship.
Dependency can be a sign of a healthy relationship when both partners feel able to rely on each other and communicate their needs.
However, when dependency is unhealthy, it can lead to a lack of trust and communication in the relationship. This can lead to problems, such as the partner feeling neglected or taken for granted. In these cases, it is important for the partner who is feeling dependent to seek help from a therapist or other support group.
Dependency is a sign of a healthy relationship when both partners feel able to rely on each other and communicate their needs. When dependency is unhealthy, it can lead to a lack of trust and communication in the relationship. This can lead to problems, such as the partner feeling neglected or taken for granted. In these cases, it is important for the partner who is feeling dependent to seek help from a therapist or other support group.
But isn’t it also important to be self-reliant and self-sufficient? In our individualistic society in particular, many find it difficult to admit how emotionally dependent they are on others, says Sue Johnson. Young children begin to explore the world and are best able to engage with the unknown when they know they can always return to their parents’ protective arms. It is precisely in a secure love relationship that we are able to retain our independence and allow the other person freedom. If you are unsure, cling. Or constantly demands independence.
Awareness is the first step
Awareness is the first step in any journey. It is the first step in learning, in growing, and in becoming the person you want to be. It is the first step in understanding, in knowing, and in accepting. Awareness is the first step in change.
Anna and Marc’s arguments are unsuccessful appeals to the other to bond. When we fear the loss of love, we struggle for attention. We demand like Anna or act unapproachable like Marc. However, both strategies – attack and retreat – lead to a vicious circle that keeps the couple further and further apart. For the other person, the actual appeal is not recognizable, instead he sees his fears confirmed. So the first step in emotion-focused couples therapy is for the couple to recognize the vicious circle as such.
Also read: – what is behind it?
This approach is not new, many couple therapy trainings are about it. But rational analysis and better communication rules do not solve the underlying problem, argues Johnson: Only a partner who conveys emotional security and closeness again can help. But how is that supposed to work when the only emotion that can be felt in the room is anger?
Give all emotions a space
When we experience an emotion, it can be overwhelming. It feels like we can’t control what we’re feeling, and it feels like we’re the only ones feeling it. But, in reality, all emotions deserve a space.
When we’re feeling an emotion, it’s important to give ourselves a moment to process what’s going on. This means that we need to take a step back and give ourselves some space. Allowing ourselves to feel our emotions is the first step in managing them.
Once we’ve given ourselves some space, it’s important to start thinking about what we’re feeling. This means that we need to figure out the specifics of what’s going on. For example, if we’re feeling angry, we might need to think about why we’re angry. We might also need to think about what we can do to calm down.
Finally, it’s important to remember that we’re not the only ones feeling this way. Our friends and family members may also be feeling the same way. It’s important to talk to them about what’s going on and see if there’s anything that we can do to help.
Because Sue Johnson believed that she was repeatedly stuck in a dead end in her couples’ therapy, she analyzed the video recordings of those sessions after which the couples reported an actual improvement. What she saw were key moments in which the partners managed to reveal their vulnerability and longing for connection to one another. Based on this insight, she developed a guide for EFT therapists. The central task is to make the need for bonding tangible in the sessions: to anticipate moments when other feelings emerge behind anger and disappointment. Then it’s about asking questions again and again and enabling special moments in which someone shows themselves openly despite all the upheavals.
The videos of Johnson’s sessions shown in the EFT training are sometimes unfamiliar to Central Europeans. They are reminiscent of family dramas in theater or film, when after heated arguments there is real discussion and the characters are able to talk about their feelings. The message then is often disarmingly simple: “I need you. I’m terrified of losing you.” However, a big talk usually doesn’t solve any problems. These moments have to be developed again and again. And the newly formed bond must also be translated into solutions for specific issues.
Communicate honestly what is on your heart
There is something incredibly liberating about communicating honestly what is on our hearts. It allows for open, honest communication, and allows for a deeper connection with one another. When we are able to communicate honestly with those around us, it allows for a more positive and trusting relationship. It also allows for us to be more open and vulnerable, which can lead to greater growth and understanding. communicating honestly is important not just in personal relationships, but in all aspects of our lives.
This process doesn’t take long for Marc and Anna. It quickly becomes clear that their relationship used to be characterized by security – which made the birth of the baby shake. Anna admits that she is just as insecure about handling the baby as Marc. She also worries that she persuaded him to have a child too quickly. Deep insecurity is behind her anger that he only visited her briefly in the hospital after the birth because he was supposedly busy with work. He explains that he wanted to conserve his energy for afterward. And can Anna now say that during this time he felt terribly alone in the apartment because he couldn’t share her closeness to the newborn.
Bonding through couples therapy
Couples therapy is a great way to bond with your partner, and to get help resolving conflicts. It can be a very positive experience, and can help strengthen your relationship. Through therapy, you and your partner can work on resolving conflicts and improving your communication skills. This can help you build stronger bonds with each other. Couples therapy can also help you identify and resolve any issues that are causing tension in your relationship.
With the help of this form of therapy, Marc and Anna have regained security, they feel valued again and can speak out about injuries. Even if some people carry a heavy packet of disappointments and loss from childhood or previous relationships, according to EFT (therapists at ) it is possible to create new bonds.
Even if the method has a high success rate according to various studies, couples should not expect to find some kind of quick miracle cure for their problems – in the end, there is no one-size-fits-all recipe. But the method is encouraging and shows that it is worth setting out on the path to greater emotional connection.
Find out more about couples therapy: – Overcoming crises – with professional support
”What are the 3 goals of emotion-focused interventions?”
The goals of EFT are strengthening the self, regulating affect, and creating new meaning. EFT is a neohumanistic, experiential approach to therapy reformulated in terms of modern emotion theory and affective neuroscience.
There are three goals of emotion-focused interventions:
1. To improve emotional well-being
2. To reduce distress
3. To improve problem-solving skills
Emotion-focused interventions should be tailored to the individual and their specific needs. They should be delivered in a way that is comfortable and respectful, and should be tailored to the specific goals of the individual.
What is emotionally focussed couples therapy?
Brief Summary. Basic premise: Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT) is attachment based and conceptualizes the negative, rigid interaction patterns and absorbing negative affect that typify distress in couple relationships in terms of emotional disconnection and insecure attachment.
Couples therapy is a type of therapy that is used to help couples dealing with problems in their relationship. Couples therapy is emotionally focussed, which means that the therapist will spend a lot of time focusing on the emotional issues in the relationship. This can help the couple to better understand and deal with their emotions, which can help improve the relationship.
Is Emotion-Focused Therapy compatible with Gottman method?
An understanding of EFT can offer a Gottman Method therapist, among many things, a felt sense of why couples engage in these negative cycles in real time, and a way to normalize the behavior for clients who want to behave differently, but time and again find themselves feeling stuck in destructive patterns.
There is some overlap between the two therapies, as both aim to help couples improve their communication and relationship. However, Gottman method is more focused on specific problem areas, such as conflict, and how to resolve them, while emotion-focused therapy is more general and focuses on improving relationships overall. Additionally, Gottman method is more empirical, relying on data and research to back up its methods, while emotion-focused therapy is more anecdotal, based on the experiences of the therapist and the clients.
How effective is EFT for couples?
No couples therapy has as much research support as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Ninety percent (90%) of couples who go through EFT significantly improve their relationship and 70-75% of couples no longer fit criteria for relationship distress following treatment (according to a metanalysis).
EFT is a highly effective tool for couples. It can help to resolve conflicts and improve relationships. EFT can be used to resolve any type of conflict, including those that may be difficult to solve using traditional methods. EFT can be used to improve relationships by reducing stress and restoring balance.
What techniques are used in emotion-focused therapy?
5 Foolproof EFT Techniques These techniques or tasks are classified into five groups: empathy-based, relational, experiencing, reprocessing, and action (Elliott, 2012).
There are a variety of techniques used in emotion-focused therapy, including cognitive-behavioral therapy, family therapy, and dialectical behavior therapy. Each technique has its own strengths and weaknesses, but all aim to help people learn how to regulate their emotions and manage stress effectively.